You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pray to the hookup gods
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
