Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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