i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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