So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
