i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize