Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
