Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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