So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
