I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
