You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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