He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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