I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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