I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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