It's Friday. Sex?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
