I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
