ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
