I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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