When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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