Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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