At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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