whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize