I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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