it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
