I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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