im about as happy as oj after his trial
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
