I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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