I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
