Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
