Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
