my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
