Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
