Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
