So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize