I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
