I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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