If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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