I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
