White coat. Heels.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
