I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
