so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
