also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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