You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
