I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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