sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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