I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
