It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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