Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
