Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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