the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
