You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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