Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
