This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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