ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
