If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
