Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
