Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
