I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize