so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
