I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
