There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
