You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
