By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
