just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
