Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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