How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
