I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
