based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
