i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
