You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
