Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
