Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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